They Will Grow
“We can plant. We can water. We can nurture. We can model faith and provide a home where truth and love are experienced. But we cannot manufacture the outcome.”
“I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
“What if I mess my kids up?” That is an incredible amount of responsibility. Do we really believe we hold the key to all of our child’s future choices? That their entire future can somehow be boiled down to us? Think about everything that shapes a person beyond their mother: genetics, personality, friendships, experiences, circumstances, opportunities, influences, and—ultimately—their own choices. And yet, we can begin to believe that if our child turns out a certain way, it must trace back to something we did or failed to do.
What if the fear of “messing them up” is partly rooted in believing we have more control than we do? Now, let me be clear: We matter deeply. Our love, presence, example, discipline, apologies, and the atmosphere we cultivate all have an impact. But we are not sovereign over our children’s lives. God is. Our children are not simply the sum of our parenting decisions. They are people with their own personalities, experiences, agency, and responsibility before God.
So, where do we find perspective as mothers who genuinely want to do our best? I find great wisdom in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7: “I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.” What if we began to see ourselves as seed planters and waterers rather than total creators? We can plant. We can water. We can nurture. We can model faith and provide a home where truth and love are experienced. But we cannot manufacture the outcome.
I feel uniquely qualified to talk about this because my report card is in. I raised three men. I see seed that fell on fertile soil and produced beautiful fruit. I see seed still being watered. And I see some weeds. Why is that? Because we all have weeds. One of my sons is extremely neat. One is moderately neat. One required marriage counseling. Guess who didn’t plant or water much “neatness seed”? You guessed it. I was raised in an ultra-clean home, but it was stressful. My mom, a pastor’s wife living in a parsonage, carried the pressure of keeping everything pristine. So I did a magnificent pendulum swing. I didn’t want my sons living in “tidy tension,” so I did the cleaning while they pursued play, school, friends, sports, girls, and hobbies. I neither planted nor watered much seed of shared responsibility.
Yet two sons naturally enjoyed order, and the third learned. Perhaps that example feels lighter than the kind of “messing them up” you’re thinking about. But the point remains: We are simultaneously growing and learning as we raise our children. We will get some things right and some things wrong. We will pass along strengths, weaknesses, patterns, and blind spots. Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, lost Him for several days. She was not a perfect mother.
And if Mary was not exempt from human limitation, we should be careful about expecting ourselves to be.
The goal of motherhood was never flawless performance. It is to faithfully love, nurture, guide, teach, and point our children toward God while recognizing that we, too, are being formed. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we give our children is letting them see us deal honestly with our humanness. What happens when Mom gets it wrong? She acknowledges it. She apologizes. She learns. She changes. She gets back up. Our children don’t need a mother who never falls down. They need to see what it looks like to fall down and get back up.
So, Mom, what if your child’s future isn’t resting on your ability to get everything right? What if your invitation is simpler—and more freeing? Plant faithfully. Water consistently. Own your mistakes. Keep growing. And trust God with what only He can do. You are not the Grower. You are the planter. And the One who makes the seed grow is God.
AND sometimes a marriage counselor will plant some seeds you missed…and they will grow.
Faith Follow-Through:
This week, take some time to grow in motherhood and faith:
Tuesday:
I’m a perennial gardener. When I find an exceptionally good zinnia I will be very diligent in gathering that seed. When summer ends I will put a tiny net bag over the bloom while it dries out and turns to seed. When I slip that bag of seed off, I store it carefully until next spring when all conditions are a go for safe planting. It is so fun to watch the seed I harvested, protected, planted and watered, grow into a beautiful flower! I sometimes will stand and stare.
What do you harvest in order to plant in your children? Wisdom? Delayed gratification? Confidence? Social life? Living within your means? Kindness? Loyalty? Discipline? You can’t plant unless you have seed.
Wednesday:
We often want immediate evidence that something we planted is working. God’s work can be slow and hidden. A seed grows underground before there is anything visible.
We may plant something in our child that another person later waters…a teacher, grandparent, pastor, coach, friend, spouse, or mentor. We are not the only voice God can use. That is why I’m such a strong advocate for church attendance and youth group participation. It gives opportunities for other sources of sowing and watering. God uses things like concerts, books, conversations, small groups, videos, camp and missions trips to plant, water and grow your child.
Can you name five adults who regularly water your child? Whose child do you water?
Thursday:
Experiences we would never choose for our children can become places where God develops perseverance, wisdom, compassion, or dependence on Him. I’ve watched Romans 5:3–5 play out in my grandson Cole’s life. “Suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope.”
Yesterday my DIL Mary and I were going down memory lane of things my grandchildren experienced in high school, and in particular, one really tough season for Cole. Even as his grandma it was so hard to know the hard things he was facing because he didn’t participate in certain activities. His friend circle started leaving him out. That’s hard in high school. But then I watched him emerge from that tough time, and today I see all that God developed in him to become a Youth Pastor that knows first hand how hard taking a stand is, but how great the payoff is if we endure. I now see lovely fruit God was producing in him for his future.
Written by Phyllis, mom of 3
