Build With Love
"Having a goal of unity in our homes is a sure-fire way to build a place our children want to be in."
“...with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
A common piece of advice we hear as mothers is a reminder that we are not our children's friends, rather their parents. While the sentiment makes sense, there is a danger of going too far away from friendship with our children, alienating them, and losing the connection to us they need.
We can both foster a culture of connection with our children and still be the parent they need us to be, while being the mother that Jesus called us to be.
We tend to lose connection with our children in all of our busyness. Mornings are too rushed for meaningful conversations. Most days are spent away from each other. Dinners are quick because we have to get to sports or other evening activities. Bed time connection doesn’t happen because after a long day we are just so tired.
And, I’m so sorry to do this mom friends, our children have about 940 weekends before they turn 18 so we have to make every one count. I don’t mean that we have to fill every weekend with picture perfect, pre-planned activities and events in the name of memory-making, as social media would have us believe. But what can we do, what connection can we build, to get our children to want to connect with us now and after our 940 weekends?
The Bible gives us a framework for “building” a home they want to come back to, or fostering connection with our kids. Paul wrote today’s scripture as a reminder to the church in Ephesus to be part of one body of Christ. To be members of the church working together. But these verses also apply to connecting with our children.
Let’s work backward and look at verse 3 first.
“eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Having a goal of unity in our homes is a sure-fire way to build a place our children want to be in.
Unity in parenting is not saying yes to every request or doing everything in our power to keep our kids happy. It’s remembering that we are a family, a unit, one team. It’s learning our children’s hearts so when disagreements arise, we know how to best respond. It’s sharing our hearts as their mother so our kids understand us. If we want to make every effort to guard the state of harmony and peace in our relationship with our children, then we need to add in verse 2.
“...with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”
These traits, which are all Spiritual fruit by the way, will look different for every mom, but we are called to have these traits in our relationships as members of the body of Christ, and that includes within our own homes in our relationships with our children. This verse calls us to humility - putting our own desires aside for a moment and just listening to our children, even approaching situations with an open mind. Gentleness calls us to speak with kindness, even in heated moments. One of the easiest ways to drive a wedge between us and our children is raising voices and speaking with anger. Children don’t need our anger, they have enough of their own. (That said, I recognize this is an easy place to fall short of our expectations - we don’t beat ourselves up if we shout. Apologize and try again next time) Patience is how steadfast we are as mothers, enduring and persevering through the hard days, through hard situations, even those days that aren’t necessarily hard, but are challenging in other ways. (Like when a toddler screams for the red cup after being given the blue cup, or a teenager calls you “Bruh”)
And love. We are called to love above all else. I love what Colossians 3:14 has to say about this.
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
Remember verse 3? Unity (perfect harmony) was our goal, so we have to “put on” love above all else. Our children won’t remember exactly how we filled our 940 weekends, but they will always remember how loved they felt. Not how loved they were…how loved they felt. We must be intentional as mothers to build a house full of love.
When we go back to the passage and look at verse 1, we see step one laid out for us.
“...walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.”
It starts in our own hearts. How are we walking worthy of our calling as mothers? Do we make time to sit with Jesus? How can we live out our calling if we’re not sitting with the One who called us? Mom friends, it’s time to refocus our busyness to intentional building. It’s time to build love, patience, gentleness and humility into our days and into our homes. It’s time for unity and perfect harmony.
Go to God:
God, thank You for giving us children to connect with. Help us today to focus on unity by filling us with Your Spirit and all the fruit that comes with it. Be with us as we mother our children with the goal of building a house they can come back to for years to come. In Your name, amen.
Faith Follow-Through:
This week, take some time to grow in motherhood and faith:
Wednesday:
Take some time today to talk to God about your relationship with your child, children, grandchildren, and/or great-grandchildren. Ask Him to show you what He wants to, and spend some time quietly listening. Ask Him to guide you to set your table so your kids want to sit with you.
Thursday:
Today, be extra intentional to connect with your child. If God spoke any guidance to you, do that. Don't forget to listen to your child without your own parenting agenda—with humility, gentleness, and patience. And above all, love.
Written by Cathrine, mom of 4
