I Can Be Your Friend, LaLaLa
- Cathrine Schmelzer
- Apr 26
- 5 min read
“The friendships that God gifts to us are made to build us up, lift us when life is hard, and remind us of our value to Him.”
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Hi, I’m Barbara, a 38ish year-old mom of four who struggles occasionally in social settings and finding meaningful friendships. Over the last twelve years of motherhood, I’ve learned the value of deep friendships, seasonal friendships, and that random number in your phone of someone you met once and will never see again.
I had to learn that friends wouldn’t naturally attach themselves to me. If I wanted a community to know me, I had to go looking and make an effort outside of my comfort zone. God and I talked a lot about this, because I felt like I poured a lot into relationships without any reciprocation. He taught me that, for me, I wasn’t called to “have the millions of friends”, but instead to be the friend I really wanted. In doing that, through a lot of trial and error, I was able to find amazing community during different seasons in my life that I’ll always hold dear.
Ecclesiastes isn’t typically the book of the Bible you’ll go to when you want to feel good. The regular occurrences of “everything is meaningless” just doesn’t give you that warm, cozy encouragement to keep going. But these verses, I think meant more specifically to marriage, can be very helpful as we seek community for ourselves and our kids.
We were made for community. We need it, we were designed for it. The trouble is that this world is broken, and it’s hard to find our people. The trial and error part of finding community can put a bad taste in our mouths and sometimes deter us from getting out there. Momma, I want to encourage you to go back out. Not everyone is your people, and that’s okay. Not every friendship lasts until the retirement home, and that’s okay. But your people ARE out there. And they need you just as much as you need them.
So, how do we be the friend we need and find our people? Do you want a friend who will check in and notice when you’re not doing so good? Be that friend. Call/Text. Drop off a coffee. Plan the playdate. Randomly go to the library and ask someone there to be your friend. Okay, that last one is weird… but literally how I became friends with one of my favorite people.
Being home is great, even extroverts need to be home sometimes. But being alone isn’t good. We tend to fall more easily and be easier targets for the enemy. The friendships that God gifts to us are made to build us up, lift us when life is hard, and remind us of our value to Him. This week, let’s chat more about how to find your people.
See you tomorrow!
Faith Follow-Through:
This week, take some time to grow in motherhood and faith:
Tuesday:
“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said.” Matthew 14:17-18
Step 1: Trial and Error.
When we’re looking for community, we have to go out where the people are. Maybe that’s a local mom group, the library, the park, church. The first step is to go to places like these where conversation with strangers isn’t too uncommon. Do something bold, like saying “hello” and wait to see what God does with that. Remember that we bring the one fish and two loaves, and He’s got the job of multiplying that. You can’t force it. If the other person is weird then they will probably be your best friend. If they’re too normal, better back away quickly.
Wednesday:
“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” Matthew 7:6.
Step 2: Be cautious with vulnerability.
Not every random library friend will be one of your people, and that’s okay. It’s important to remember that not every person is going to value your pearls. You are a child of God, loved by the creator of the world, called by name. And you have value. Jesus shared with His disciples that if a community did not want the message they were bringing, they should shake the dust from their feet and move on. That sounds harsh, but also, it’s the truth. Sometimes potential friendships aren’t good fits. It’s okay to move on. Your people are out there. Keep praying for them, ask your mom or long-distance friends to pray for you to find them. God’s going to bring the people who value your pearls and will build you up rather than tear you to pieces.
Thursday:
Step 3: Pray for your future friends and step out boldly.
When we first moved to our current community, I made it my full-time job to find our people. Seriously, it felt like a full-time job. As a self-diagnosed introvert, this was a muscle I’d been building over time that was strengthened more during this season. I walked into it knowing that seasonal friendships hold incredible value, that lifelong friendship may not be the goal, but that we needed people in this season and God would provide as He always had before.
Ask whoever you have in your current circle (for me, it was my mom and a long-distance friend) to pray for local friends for you. Ask them to pray for you to have courage and boldness.
The community you’re looking for needs you just as much as you need them. Build that spiritual muscle that some people call social skills. Join the local group, sign your kids up for sports and be the weird parent talking to people on the sidelines, take your kids to the library and see who God brought there that day. (You have no idea how many people have the last name “Library” in my phone!)
Written by Barbara, a socially uncomfortable mom who has been gifted with the best of friends.
